Our adoption story, part two

As a baby, Phoebe did not know that there was a family who wanted her, who yearned for her to be a part of them - a family who had gone to great lengths, who had waited many, many months to see their dream come true. Had she been a little older, she might have doubted that there could be such a family - thousands of miles away, waiting and longing for her to join them? A family from a different nation and culture and language, whose ways would be so different from what she was familiar with. She might have said, 'I do not believe that there is anything more to life than this orphanage'. Phoebe might have concluded that she was not destined to be lavishly loved, that she would always have to take care of her own needs. That she would always be alone. That she could trust no one. Who truly cared about her? Her abandonment as a newborn baby would inevitably dictate her future. How could there be something more? Something beyond her wildest dreams?

She would have been wrong. Very wrong. But we are not so different. We often cannot believe that God has a good plan for us, that He loves us and longs for us. That He has not passed us by or forgotten us.

When we think of God, ideas and images come to mind. Some of these are based on the experience we have had of our own dads. Some images will have been formed by the circumstances of our lives, which have led us to conclude that God is 'such and such'. There will be those of us whose biological fathers were abusive or neglectful, absent or weak - we were not protected and provided for and made to feel safe. We were not loved and honoured and given dignity and respect by our dads.

I had a good dad - he was a very good man - loving and kind, supportive and caring, but he was not perfect. No human father is perfect, but if I asked you to make a list of the qualities that you would want to see in your dad, I absolutely guarantee that certain characteristics would be on all our lists. We would want a kind father, a loving father, who accepts us as we are. A father who enjoys our company, with whom we have always felt safe. A father who always was, and is there for us to run to in times of need. Isn't that the kind of dad we would want?

Our heavenly Father IS this kind of dad!

If you are an orphan like Phoebe was, there is no hope that you will have a good dad. She was abandoned at three weeks old, left on a step. An orphan who has never known the love of a father, whether biological or adopted, has a very different viewpoint to life and to themselves, than the son or daughter of a loving father. There is no sense of security, of being protected, of worth, of acceptance and belonging, of being loved and valued. But you know, and this may come as a surprise to you, we can have mums and dads, and still act as though we are orphans, we can still live from an orphan heart. Children of God who love Jesus, and who have given Him their lives can still be orphan-hearted.

Orphans have to fend for themselves, anticipate and meet their own needs - they are fiercely independent and self reliant. Orphans compete in relationships, they compete for position, influence, power. Orphans accuse and expose in order to feel good, by making others look bad. They strive for praise, approval, acceptance and admiration, and are often competitive, and jealous towards the success of others. Their love tends to be guarded and conditional, being wary of vulnerability and exposure. They work hard to cover shame, and in so doing, seek to control and mask their fear. Feelings of low self esteem and inferiority are very familiar to orphans.

But God, who describes Himself as our Heavenly Father tells us that we are adopted into His family. We are, then, no longer spiritual orphans, but sons and daughters. So, do we live our lives, day by day, as children of God, or do we still display orphan traits?

Phoebe is no longer an orphan - she ceased to be an orphan on a hot and humid day in Southern China, Guangxi Province, on the 29th November 2004, in an official looking building, in an official looking room, when she was handed to Steve, crying and distressed, clutching her little red shoes. On that day, when "the red thread" brought us together, she became our daughter, not only because the signatures and the typed pages said so, but because our hearts welcomed her and accepted her and made a home for her. Not because she had done anything to deserve it, not because she was better than anyone else, not because she was more gifted, clever, beautiful, spiritual, but because of LOVE. On that day, she became our daughter. I became her mummy and Steve became her daddy. Because of LOVE.

On the day that Jesus hung on that cross and gave up His life for you - on that day, 2000 years ago, God invited you to become His child, before you were born, before you were thought of, He chose each of us. "The red thread" of divine blood spreads itself across the earth, inviting and wooing, pursuing and longing for sons and daughters.

The heart of God is the heart of a Father.